My apartment complex is located where the Gambia River meets the Atlantic Ocean. Just a few steps down the beach of my apartment are several touristy hotels. Thus, the beaches are almost always loaded with frolickers enjoying some relaxation time. The water is beautiful, but it's also very dangerous because it is where two bodies of water meet. The currents and waves are so powerful that even when you are standing shin-deep in water, your feet are buried deep in the sand in a matter of seconds.
As you know, last week marked the celebration of another new year. Thanks to the President of the The Gambia, I had public holidays for both Thursday and Friday. You can bet that I was at the beach at least once a day, throwing around my new Life is Good frisbee with Modou courtesy of Miss Katherine Staley and thinking about all the things I want to accomplish in the next year.
I started stressing a bit because I had promised myself that I would only take one year away from school before starting grad work, which means that I should be applying to graduate schools as we speak. But, I still feel totally at a loss as to what I should study in grad school, so much so that I actually googled "what should I study in grad school?", hoping that google would miraculously answer the question of what I should do with my life.
Truth is, I like what I'm doing at work to a certain extent. I like the fast pace. I like interacting with people. I like the challenge of it. But I don't feel like this is the kind of job that I could work at for a long time and then look back and say that I really felt like I found my life's purpose and contentment with what I did. The real question then becomes, is that even achievable? Do many people feel like that when they look back on their life? Or, do many of us settle into the routine of whatever falls into our lap and make the best of it? I would like to think that the perfect job is out there and I just need to figure out what it is, but I also know that it is idealistic to think like that and I feel like I need to start accepting reality a bit more.
At any rate, I was speaking first about New Year's resolutions and how easily I became wrapped-up in the stress of graduate school and life possibilities. I used to look out at the sea and contemplate those things, feeling like my life was as open as the sea before me. Little did I know that the very same sea that represented the openess of my life had just swallowed the life of two individuals about my age on the very weekend I was asking google to tell me what I should study in grad school. There is nothing like a life lost too soon to remind you just how fleeting all of it is.
I don't think I'll ever look at that ocean the same way again. Modou saw them carrying one of the bodies away from our favorite place to sit and chat and we had a long conversation about how important it is that we just enjoy every day we have together even as we plan and stress about our longterm future.
How's that for a new year's resolution?
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